Personal Attacks: A Drug Addict and Child Molester?

I just read through the latest issue of "True Tracks". I need to talk to someone.

My heart aches with longing and sadness, and I don't even know how to begin this.

Let me begin by saying that I have been a student of Tom's since 1993, when I took my Standard Course. Since then I have taken the Back-to-Back, Scout, Philosophy, and Scout Philosophy courses. When I first read Tom's books I was enthralled and inspired. When I came back from the Back-to-Back course, I felt that I had discovered my true path in life, and a form of service that truly meant something. It had been my intention to really learn all that I could and add this knowledge to the kind of service that I was here to do in the world. I gave mini-standard courses to my friends. I got involved in the local Miwok Indian issues and skills courses sponsored in the Marin County area. I learned about primitive bow making and the Society of Primitive Technology. I suddenly had about 20 hobbies. I started building primitive shelters in the hills. Driving suddenly became less about getting somewhere than about scanning the road for roadkill to take home and skin & brain-tan!

Then things started changing. I met a women who was a ranger at Pt. Reyes, and very much involved in local Indian culture, and when I told her I was a Tom Brown student, she started spewing all this really negative stuff about Tom. Like how he was being sued for sexual molestation, and used cocaine to gather energy for his classes, and lost his previous wife around alcoholic drinking, had unethical financial habits, etc. She even told me that a previous instructor said that Tom's childhood friend Rick never existed, that Grandfather never existed, and that he made up half of the tracking "sightings" he seems to be able to perceive, as well as a lot of the stories about his youth. She said he was a pathological liar, and then she wanted to change the subject!

Needless to say, this was disturbing. Even if none of it were a bit true, it was upsetting to have this woman who I thought I respected suddenly spreading all of this bad medicine about the teacher that I had been so proud to be a student of... she really popped my bubble for the rest of that night. I tried to think how all of this could have gotten started. I tried to explain all of it away. I had heard that Tom had a battle with booze at one point, and that didn't bother me (I am in recovery myself, and have been sober for about 8 years). I could see how the early years of Tracker School would have its toll on his 1st marriage. I could understand how perhaps he had problems with women in-between marriages. After all, a lot of women are probably quite attracted to him, and we all know about his temper. It doesn't surprise me that he got a lot of women angry... and that someone is trying to sully his name in court. And I know that Tom likes to tell a good story... perhaps even embellish a few details to help inspire his students? Forgivable enough. The cocaine part disturbed me, and, if true, I could not see any way to justify it. It is just purely dark, evil, destructive stuff. So either it is complete bullshit, of else there was a crack in my wall of faith in Tom Brown.

Then a chain of events added to my discomfort. Tom was very sick during my Scout class. He promised us diagrams of man-traps that never arrived. I even wrote to the school and got no reply. I felt let down. Then I went to Scout Philosophy class at the Boy Scout property (November '95). It was there that I just felt my doubt eating at me. It seemed easy to imagine that Tom was pretending to know things that weren't true. Just having us do exercises to keep us busy. My doubt was eating me up! I didn't have any success with any of the exercises we did. I didn't have any experiences of success at envisioning or with Scout bubbles or anything. It just seemed like chaos.

I came home feeling sad and aimless around my Tracker path. It seemed that Tom was caught up in the whirlwind of production, schedules and money. trying to pack every body and dollar possible into every room and week available. I don't know what to say, but I feel really sad. I so much want to experience and live the things I have felt in my earlier classes. I have felt that if I wrote a letter, it would not be read. But I need to know what the truth is. I want Tom to tell his students what the real truth is. I feel he owes us that. I so much want to follow a true path, but I have been betrayed before by mentors and teachers and I guess all of that is making it difficult to trust Tom. If there is any truth to the bad medicine I heard, then he needs to clear the air. And if there is no truth to it, then please, please Tom. Clear the air. This work is too important. There are powerful people out there doubting you.

I want to tell them what the real truth is. I want to get back on my path as a Tracker, the Shamanic Path of Service, and the path of inner vision.  I am stuck, and I need help.

If anyone can give me some feedback, I would be grateful.

In good medicine,
--Greg Brown

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